Oh Fudge!

Let’s talk about candy for a moment, because candy is one of the most finicky of things to cook. I mean, essentially candy is an edible chemistry experiment, so of course, it’s just up the alleys of your chefs at this here website. You see, we love learning not just about how to make something, but why that something is created when you do this, that and the other to it. It’s always a dorky day here at Chez PID.

Okay, so we decided to tackle fudge. I LOVE fudge, love it! Brett’s mom made fudge every year for Christmas, so we thought it appropriate, and also fun, because there’s loads of learning to do and we got to buy a new gadget. (you need a good candy thermometer to make candy, don’t even try to get cheap about this one, get the candy thermometer at this place, because it rocks)

First, let’s talk about the stages of candy cooking. For this information, we consulted our Guru, as well as the mostly out-dated “The Joy of Cooking.” (I say outdated, because the book continually refers to housewives, as if housewives are the only ones doing the cooking, and many of us are neither houses nor wives).




Candy Stages:

Stage 1: thread at 215 degrees and if dumped in water it makes a brittle thread that can be stretched with the fingers (????)

Stage 2: Soft Ball at 234 to 242 degrees and if dumped in water it makes a limp, sticky ball that flattens when removed from the water (fudge)

Stage 3: Hard Ball at 250 to 266 degrees and if dumped in water it makes a hard ball that holds its shape when removed from the water but is still pliable (caramel)

Stage 4: Soft Crack at 270 to 290 degrees and if dumped in water it makes firm strands that can be stretched or bent when removed from the water (toffee)

Stage 5: Hard Crack at 300 to 310 degrees and if dumped in water it makes stiff, firm threads that break easily when removed from the water (lollipops)

So all of this staging is due to crystallization, which is what makes fudge and all candies so damn difficult (and also so much fun!) Luckily, there are ways to slow down this crystallization, and these ways also make for tasty treats. You just have to add some stuff that will keep the sugar from crystallizing, like butter, chocolate and milk.



Here's a blow by blow of the Joy of Cooking "Chocolate Cockaigne" (no idea why they call it that) recipe.



What you'll need:


1 cup minus 1 tablespoon half and half
2 cups sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 oz. grated unsweetened chocolate
2 to 4 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 to 1 cup broken nutmeats

What you do:


Place some half and half in a pot and bring it to a boil

Then you add the chocolate, sugar and salt, and let it all melt





Bring this tasty looking liquid to a boil at medium high heat. Once boiling, reduce to medium heat, and cover for 3 minutes. You have to cover it because the steam will clean the sides of any potential crystals, because we don't want any crystals yet.

Now you should put your candy thermometer in your delicious chocolaty goodness, and set it for "soft ball" stage, or 234 degrees

And then you wait . . . . But while you wait, you can prepare your dish. If you're playing along at home, please get yourself an 8X8 glass baking dish. We don't have such a thing, so I used this weird 9X6 baking dish that I think maybe came from Ikea and was maybe called Ulldeenplatz or something

Anyway, butter your dish and then put some parchment paper in it.

Once your candy thermometer tells you you've reached 234 degrees, remove from heat, and let cool down to 110 degrees but DO NOT TOUCH, JOSTLE, SNEEZE ON, OR OTHERWISE CONTAMINATE YOUR FUDGE. If you disturb the fudge, it will become very very grainy because you will make BIG crystals that you don't want. However, now is the time to add your butter, in cute little pats, just on the surface of the fudge. You may watch it melt, because that's kind of mesmerizing, but DO NOT breathe on the fudge for it is very sensitive

Once the thermometer dips to 110 (which takes approximately a lifetime) you should add the vanilla and the nuts, and stir as though you were in some sort of bizarre stirring contest wherein speed mattered. Basically, you just need to stir like a crazy person. Why stir like a crazy person? Because now you want those crystals, oh yes, you want lots of tiny crystals so that your fudge will be nice and smooth and the more stirring you do, the more little crystals you shall have. You have to stir until the fudge looses its sheen and starts to dull, or your arm falls off, which ever happens first.

Then you spread it in your prepared pan with a silicone spatula. Did I mention you should be using a wooden spoon for everything else? Well, you should.

So then you let it cool on the counter (do NOT put in fridge) for about 2 hours. It's a painful 2 hours, because the smell of chocolate will try to kill you. But, creamy, fudgey goodness will be your reward.

Until next time. Over and out.

Blueberry Muffins

How to make blueberry Hockey Pucks

Step the first, gather your ingredients:

1 cup milk
1 egg
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup fresh blueberries (do you see that I have frozen berries down there? This will be an important, and disastrous detail later)

Step the second, Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line a 12-cup muffin tin with paper liners.

Step the third, In a large bowl, stir together milk, egg, and oil. Add flour, baking powder, sugar.

Step the fifth, add blueberries; gently mix the batter with only a few strokes. Notice that blueberries are turning batter a lovely shade of purple.

Step the sixth, spoon batter into muffin tin. Hope that baking will "cook" the purple out.

Step the seventh, ask dog for advice on the very purple state of my muffins. Receive offer to lick bowl.

Step the eighth, decide to add "streusel" topping to muffins, in order to hide disconcerting shade of batter.

Step the ninth, bake for 20 minutes.

Step the tenth, confess to future husband that you may have doubled the amount of blueberries needed, and maybe also used frozen berries even though the recipe called for fresh. Watch as future hubby questions whether you were raised by wolves. Allow him to comment that the finished product is rather dense and more suitable for slap shots than breakfast. Force him to eat muffin anyway.

Culinary Lesson Learned: DO NOT USE FROZEN BERRIES WITH THIS RECIPE AND (it's a two fold lesson) DO NOT USE EXTRA BERRIES.

The End.